


So Not Thinking About It

by nostalgia



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: But only a bit, F/M, i'm a bit sorry, kind of ridiculous, peen-related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2014-04-21
Packaged: 2018-01-20 05:20:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1498129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nostalgia/pseuds/nostalgia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Donna ponders the important question of just what the Doctor... has.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Not Thinking About It

She couldn't help it. It just sort of popped into her head one afternoon while they were travelling in the vortex. She didn't _want_ to think of it, it just sort of occurred to her to wonder, and once she'd thought of the question she couldn't help running through possible answers. 

_Does he even have a cock?_

He must have. There was Rose and Martha and those clothes in the wardrobe room couldn't all be theirs, so there must have been others. Why would a single man travel with... but he was the Doctor, wasn't he? He was weird. You couldn't apply normal logic to the Doctor. 

They were in the library by the swimming pool. Donna glanced over to where the Doctor was reading one of her old copies of _Woman's Own_. (From which he could learn ten ways to cope with the menopause and nineteen hot new fashions at high street prices.) She checked to see that he was engrossed in the magazine and then let her eyes drift downwards. There was definitely _something_ down there. She wouldn't put it past him to have stuffed a pair of socks down his trousers, but that implied that he at least _had_ a cock even if it was a small one. 

He probably didn't have a small cock. He was too arrogant and self-assured to be a man with a small cock. It had to be at least average size. Maybe a bit bigger, because... 

No, she wasn't going to think about it. She was _not_ going to think about it. 

 

It was when they were hiding from the Andromedan Royal Guard that the matter next... well, “arose” was a bit too accurate. 

The cupboard was small and cramped and the Doctor was tall and seemingly made of elbows.

“Donna, keep still,” he hissed at her. “We're supposed to be hiding.”

“I'm just trying to get comfortable.” She wriggled and turned slightly to her left. Then she stopped. “Doctor,” she said carefully. “Doctor, is that...?”

“It's the sonic screwdriver.”

“You keep that in your jacket pocket,” said Donna, “so what's that thing in your trousers?”

The Doctor didn't say anything. 

Donna thought for a moment. Then she said. “When we get out of here I'm going to kill you.”

“I can't help it!” he protested as loudly as he could without giving them away. 

“I'm trapped in a closet with an alien pervert!”

“Donna,” said the Doctor – and she could hear him straining to sound reasonable - “I'm in full bodily contact with an attractive woman. It's perfectly natural and not in any way perverted.”

Donna accepted this with silence. Then she thought back and said “Attractive?”

“Aren't you?”

“Don't you know?”

“Never really thought about it,” he said. 

“I've never thought about it either,” she replied, because if he was allowed to lie so blatantly then so was she. 

Then the door opened and all hell broke loose. Donna was sort of relieved.

 

_If he does have a cock, what's it like?_

Donna sat on the crash-seat as the Doctor did something to the TARDIS console. Something technical, probably, or maybe he was just trying to stroke it without seeming obvious. He did that sometimes. 

“Can I ask a Time Lord question?”

“Course you can.”

She paused. “It won't upset you?”

The Doctor finally looked at her. “Is it an upsetting question?”

“I don't think so. It's just... well, it's about Time Lords. I don't want to get you thinking about it all again.”

“I always think about it,” he said quietly. Then with a forced cheerfulness he added “Ask way, Miss Noble.”

“How do Time Lords mate?”

The Doctor opened his mouth. Then he closed it again. Finally he said “What?”

“You said you wanted a mate. If you had one, how would you... you know, mate?”

“What sort of a question is that?”

“Biology,” said Donna.

The Doctor shrugged. “Same way you do.”

Donna hadn't had any for ages. She'd brought along a few plastic friends, but recently the closest she'd got to a shag from a man was when the Doctor fell on top of her when they were going through some turbulence. And that wasn't exactly satisfying.

“Yeah, but -”

“When two Time Lords loved each other very much... well, I say two, sometimes it would be more than two.”

“I don't need the lecture.”

“Sorry.”

“So it's not like... I dunno, cats or wolves or something? You don't have little spikes on it that expand into her and then you're stuck together until you run out of sperm?”

The Doctor stared at her, open-mouthed. Then he said “Blimey, you've got an imagination.”

“I don't imagine you having sex!” she exclaimed before she could stop herself. 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow in that way that Donna didn't find at all sexy. 

“I don't!”

“Good.”

“I just wondered, is all. Don't you ever wonder about humans?” she asked, hoping to distract him.

“Are you asking if I think about you naked?” 

“I wasn't, but now I'm worried that you do.”

“I don't,” he said easily.

“Well, good.”

 

 

She didn't _mean_ to walk in on him in the shower, it's just sort of.... happened.

“Oh my God!” she cried, covering her eyes with a hand.

“Donna!” he spluttered. “What the _hell_ are you doing in my bathroom?”

“Looking for toothpaste!”

“Didn't you hear the shower running?”

“I thought there'd be a curtain!” 

She heard him turning the shower off and moving about the room. 

“You can look,” he said eventually, “I'm wearing a towel.”

Donna kept her eyes covered. “Will I have to look at your skinny alien chest?”

“Yes,” he said wearily, “you'll have to look at my skinny alien chest. I can cover my nipples if it bothers you that much.”

“Don't bother on my account.” Donna moved her hand and opened her eyes. The Doctor stood before her, dripping, with a fluffy blue towel tied around his hips. He looked quite... well, no, he looked like a skinny alien pervert, she certainly wasn't going to stop and admire his surprisingly muscular body. She did have _some_ standards.

“You were-”

“No, I wasn't.”

“I saw you,” she said, accusingly.

“I was just washing it,” he said, unconvincingly.

“You were having a wank,” said Donna. 

“In my own bathroom!” the Doctor protested. “I wasn't expecting some ginger toothpaste-thief to burst in on me!”

“I thought you were above that sort of thing,” she said, which wasn't entirely true. 

“Above having a sexuality?” he asked, rather sharply.

“I thought you'd have better things to be doing than... than... playing solitaire.”

“Donna,” said the Doctor calmly, “I _do_ have a sexuality, and I don't have a partner. What am I supposed to do?”

Donna glanced down at the fluffy towel. “Is it still..?” She gestured. The towel did look a bit, well, tight.

“Does it really matter if it is?”

“I don't want to talk to you if you have an erection,” she said. “That's like having sex with you.”

“It isn't remotely like having sex with me,” said the Doctor, not answering the important question. “Sex would be if it was...” he rubbed his face. “I'm sure you know what sex is. You certainly talk about it often enough.”

“Excuse me?” said Donna, momentarily distracted from the issue of whether the Doctor was hard while talking to her.

“Not as much as Jack does,” he went on, “but more than most people I've met.”

“Martha never asked about your cock?” asked Donna, realising as she said it that this was a rather desperate line of defence.

“Martha's got a medical degree, I'm fairly sure they covered that at some point.”

“Not alien ones,” said Donna, pointing out what she thought should be obvious.

“Well, you've seen it now,” said the Doctor. “Mystery solved.”

Donna glared at him, grabbed the toothpaste, and left the bathroom.

 

_What if he fancied her?_

He looked at her a lot, now that she came to think about. And there was a suspicious amount of hugging and telling her how clever she was. 

Donna shook her head. Surely he didn't fancy her. Yes, there had been that unfortunate incident when they went to Andromeda, but that could have happened to anyone. She'd met Rose and Martha and both of them were younger and prettier than she was. He had a type, and that type was jail-bait.

She supposed that, relatively speaking, she herself was jail-bait. He was nine hundred and four, and she was only... a bit over twenty-one. Was that young enough to stir his loins? (Which were, if she remembered right, fairly substantial. Not that she thought about them when she didn't have to, but when her mind did wander that way she didn't want to short-change him.)

She lay back in her bed and stared at the ceiling. She wondered who he'd been thinking about in the shower that time. Presumably a woman, although Martha had mentioned in confidence that she suspected he might be a bit gay as well. 

A horrible thought appeared in her head. She sat up, troubled and disturbed. _What if she was the one he'd been having his imaginary way with?_ That might explain a few things. 

Donna forced herself to lie back down. Nah, he was probably thinking of the TARDIS. He was, after all, a _weird_ skinny alien pervert. Women or men were what _normal_ people thought of when they were wanking. 

She hoped he wasn't wanking right now. 

 

 

_What if she fancied him?_

Donna stopped walking and the Doctor walked into her back.

“Donna? Are you okay?”

No. No, she was very not okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. _She fancied him._ That was why she couldn't stop thinking about his cock. That was why she wanted to touch his hilarious hair. That was why her knees went a bit funny when he licked things.

“Shit,” she said, to the universe at large.

The Doctor looked at her strangely. “What is it? What's wrong?”

She felt herself start to blush. What if he could tell? What if he could see into her mind with his special Time Lord voodoo powers?

What if – and this was the very worst thing about it – they fancied _each other_? What if they ended up shagging on the TARDIS console, moaning their passions loudly as their bodies slammed together sweatily? What if..?

She grabbed him by his tie. “Listen,” she said forcefully, “I'm not going to have sex with you. I don't fancy you, and if I did... well, that's not an issue because I don't. So stop looking at me with your lazy eye like you want to rip my clothes off and make passionate love to me.”

The Doctor's mouth fell open. His eyes went really wide. “Donna,” he said, “I promise I don't want to rip your clothes off and... do anything like that.” It was only a bit convincing.

“Admit it,” she said, glaring. “Admit it or so help me God I'll knee you in the balls.”

The Doctor frowned. “Won't you do that anyway? I mean, wouldn't you be angry if I admitted that I think you're sexy? Which I don't,” he added hurriedly.

“I don't know!” she said, as confused as he was about the entire thing. “Hang on, I've had an idea.” And with that, she kissed him, pulling on his tie as she pressed herself against him. She shoved her tongue into his mouth and ran her free hand through his stupid hair.

Finally she let go of him. 

“Okay,” squeaked the Doctor.

“Yeah,” said Donna, “it wasn't that bad, was it?” 

“Can we do it again?”

“I suppose so.” She paused and then asked “ _Do_ you think I'm sexy?”

“Uh-huh.” The Doctor looked quite eager to get his mouth back to hers, so she relented and gave him another kiss. It was a really good one, if Donna was any judge of her own kissing ability.

“Right,” she said, fixing her hair. “We should probably get back to the TARDIS and explore our new relationship. By which I mean we should have sex,” she clarified, in case he wasn't quite following her.

The Doctor opened his mouth to say something, and then just grinned a lot instead. She quite liked that she seemed to have rendered him speechless. It made her feel a bit powerful.

So they went back to the TARDIS and explored the nuances of their new relationship, in various positions, for quite some time.


End file.
